If you’re interested in that sort of thing, look for a job in “data annotation”.

It can be relatively safe if the producers are held to high hygiene standards. The aging process kills most harmful microbes. If you’re pregnant, though, you should probably avoid cheese from raw milk unless it’s been heated.

And you can pry my boerenkaas from my cold dead hands!

I mean, I get it. The Register does love clickbaity headlines. IMO making fun of that is fair game.