16 daysI’m one of those great people who can’t read social cues, so when a get-together is winding down and people are leaving, I’ll hang around until you explicitly tell me to GTFO. It’s not that I’m desperate to stay or anything, I just don’t know how to read a room, especially if I have no other plans. I would be an absolute fucking nightmare at an orgy. 4am, the host now fully dressed again, mopping up the cum and sweat, and it’d just be me left, naked, wanking on his couch. His wife away to bed already, lights in the kitchen switched off, dogs fed and candles blown out, and just the thwick-thwick-thwick of my foreskin rolling back and forth while the guy angrily clears his throat, getting progressively more tuberculosisy as his impatience grows and with my apparently psychopathic dominance display showing no signs of abating.
“Hey man, got any more Viagra? Don’t think I’ll be getting another natural one tonight lol”
“Please… please leave…”
“Oh sure no worries, bye” and I’d be gone in 3 minutes without being any the wiser about what a colossal fucking prick I’d been until maybe 3 or 4 years later.
Actually, this reminded me of a real thing that happened when I was a teen, and the horror of which only dawned on me about 6 months after. I was in Belfast meeting a potential new bandmate for my metal band. He wouldn’t be there for another 45 minutes or so, so I thought I’d pass the time in a guitar store, playing a guitar I could never afford, without headphones. I must have ran through Metallica’s entire discography for that full 45 minutes - an incredibly long time. One of the clerks came and chatted with me, and I thought he was just shooting the shit, but in retrospect he was screaming through his eyes “motherfucker, buy something or fuck off, or at least stop playing Enter fucking Sandman”. As I was leaving the store, one of the other guys behind the counter joked “after all that and you’re not even buying something?” but guess what friends? That was no joke. And my parting response to it must have sounded truly fucking psychotic. “What for? Sure I can just come in here and play to my heart’s content for free lol” as the door closes behind me. I don’t even want to imagine what they said about me after I left.
Lads, get that autism diagnosis under your belt as early as you possibly can.
Also, if anyone is having an orgy near Belfast, hit me up! My willy’s pretty small, so I won’t be a bother to anyone. You won’t even know I’m there.
- modus@lemmy.worldEnglish16 days
I’m not having an orgy but you can come wank on the couch at my great uncle’s wake this Saturday. It’ll be a good conversation starter.
- 16 days
I want to be their best friend, it’d be a nightmare but fun while it lasted
- CalypsoGirl@lemmy.todayEnglish16 days
I dunno but I declare it’s destined to become the next greatest copypasta material.
Holy fuck, it WAS Matchetts! Now I’m getting scared that I’m 2 comments away from doxxing myself, so goodbye forever 💗
- 17 days
Same way every game of Settlers of Catan does: the women get tired asking who has wood, one person dominates leaving everyone else just watching, and it ends with everyone picking things off the floor wondering if they should have just stayed home and watched Ted Lasso.
- volore@scribe.disroot.orgEnglish17 days
about the same time the FBI shows up to the orgy I would assume.
- 17 days
Not long ago, I would have assumed you meant the FBI was showing up to put an end to the beastiality
No. Different game show: ‘The weakest dink’
Waps someone’s dong with hand
‘you are the weakest dink, goodbye!’
- 17 days
you joke, but pornographic horny TV game show would be amazing.
get random OF creators as players.
come up with crazy challenges or games…
I would definitely watch it, even if not horny,
the question is, who’s charitmatic enough to host it?
- Tar_Alcaran@sh.itjust.worksEnglish17 days
I assume with food and rehydration, since its not like people will be sleeping over the night.
- faythofdragons@slrpnk.netEnglish17 days
Why not? Everybody’s spent the night at all the orgies I’ve been to.
- fibojoly@sh.itjust.worksEnglish16 days
I expect porn movies have set OP’s expectations a bit high. Surely at some point the mind is willing but the flesh is weak, right? Or is that just me?
- 16 days
Just tape some popsicles sticks to it and be extra liberal with the lube.
You joke, but they do make like hollow dildos you can wear over your dick, basically like a strap-on.
- 16 days
I feel like the popsicle stick thing would be less embarrassing.
- 16 days
Judging from the last one I was at, when everyone decides to take a third break and get more interested in 80’s music trivia on YouTube than continuing.
